Memories of You - Mix Tape
by ffff-bloody brilliant
Summary: The characters of Caroline and Kate are borrowed from the amazing Sally Wainwright. There is no copyright infringement intended. Set right after the ill fated birthday weekend away. Kate had left a surprise for Caroline before the whole two rooms, break up saga. I am hoping to continue on for a few chapters if the feedback isn't too bad :)
1. Chapter 1

Mix Tape

"Well Caroline, you completely fff-bloody balls-ed that up" She muttered to herself as she threw her overnight bag onto the back seat of the Jeep and slammed the door.

Rolling her eyes and looking to the heavens, she gave out a huge sigh and yanked the driver's door open. She was torn. She really wanted the get out of this place and away from all the 'could have beens' but she also knew that Kate was still here, with that jerk, doing God knows what and wanted to make things right.

Caroline stood motionless on the gravel of the car park, open door in hand, and for once in her life she had no bloody idea what to do. She had told herself that this weekend was meant to be about her and Kate connecting. Caroline knew deep down though, that hadn't been the whole story. Kate was right, she was here for the wrong reasons. She'd chosen not to listen to how important a baby was for Kate and thought, as people usually do, that she would come around to her way of thinking. In reality she was the jerk. She couldn't go back into the hotel, Kate had made it perfectly clear that she wanted Caroline to leave. Caroline was lost in her thoughts " _What did she have to offer anyway? She couldn't give her a baby. She'd made it sound like she was only with Kate to secure her home and the intimacy and love between them that had been so terrifying for Caroline, but so life affirming had, to Kate, been mediocre and embarrassing"_

"Oh buggar this!" Caroline exhaled as she thrust herself into the seat of the Jeep. She slammed the door behind her and put the key in the ignition.

"Embarrassed fumbles?!" Caroline was in between anger and complete devastation. She had thought that what they had, their love making in particular, had been amazing. On the odd occasion, earth shattering and toe curling.

"How can she think that? She is clearly better off without me!" As soon as Caroline said the words the anger was instantly replaced by sheer and utter, well, grief.

The floodgates opened and Caroline sat there for, she didn't know how long, sobbing. Body aching, soul shattering waves of devastation.

" _She's not better off without me, and I am certainly not better without her. She makes me better_ " She thought to herself. " _I can't talk to her like this though. We need to cool down. I'll call her when I get home"_

Caroline had managed to compose herself enough to see through tear stained eyes. She turned the key in the ignition and once again broke down. The radio had sprung to life and she was shocked to be confronted with the lovely sound of Kate's voice seeping out of the speakers.

"Errm Hi Caroline, darling, I've never really done one of these before but I wanted, well as a piano teacher I've obviously put some songs on a CD before but, anyway I'm getting off track (laughs)" Caroline stared at the radio, eyes wide and transfixed.

"I just wanted to tell you that you are amazing and to thank you for taking me away for my birthday. I can't wait to spend my life with you and our new family. Here are a few songs that remind me of you. Love you….opening bars of music"

"How? When?" Caroline knew full well when Kate had slipped this into the radio.

-Previous day-

Kate and Caroline arrived at the hotel and grabbed their bags from the back of the Jeep. Caroline was so excited to be here but there were a few things on her mind.

"ooooh text from Greg, he says he's running on time and is looking forward to meeting us in the bar at 6.30" Kate said as they started the walk across the gravel.

Caroline, gave a slight nod but couldn't help feeling a little ambushed. This was meant to be just the two of them and now she was going to have to persuade Kate that it was best not the try for a baby, whilst the person who could actually give her that sat across from them. Caroline tried the change the subject.

"When we were leaving just before, my mom said this thing, she said we've discussed it and Alan doesn't mind if you want to call him dad now that we are married"

"is that not, well that's nice isn't it?" Kate asked

"well, I don't know, I like Alan, I like him a lot, but he's not my dad. My dad's dead, but he's still my dad. He'll always be my dad for all his faults"

"Did you say that?"

"No, she wouldn't want to hear it.

Caroline gave Kate a sly little smirk that suggested that she had other things on her mind and wanted to get inside. As they started the walk up the path Kate quickly turned the Caroline.

"Oh rubbish, Caroline, I've errm left the errm iPod charger in the car. Can I have your keys?"

"It's ok, you can just use my phone charger."

"No no I want to get that one that way neither will die on us!"

Caroline gave a little chuckle and handed over the keys.

"You know if you wanted to do a runner, you could've just said haha! I'll meet you by the front door, don't be long"

Kate loved it when Caroline was in a jovial mood. It didn't happen often enough, what with work and home stresses. It made Kate fall in love with her all the more.

Kate practically sprinted back to the car, she had been planning this surprise ever since Caroline told her they were going away. She wanted to give something the Caroline to show how much she loved her.

She pulled out the CD and popped it into the player. It was worth the embarrassment of having the listen to herself on the way home together.

Back in the present, Caroline was still sitting in her car, weeping as she listened to song after song. Each one conveying more love than the last.

" _Why couldn't I have been stronger? How can someone who makes a CD like this be so dismissive of our lovemaking? I can't believe how much I have hurt her. Now she is in there, having sex with someone else!"_ Caroline thought to herself.

"I need to get out of this ffff-bloody place!"

Caroline slammed her finger on the mute button, turned the car and shot off with more speed than was strictly legal.

Note – The idea was to right about 15 chapters in this series. One for each song on the playlist. If you would like to submit suggestions for songs, I will endeavour to write a story based around it :) Thanks for reading so far.


	2. Chapter 2

Caroline had only made it half way back to Harrogate when the silence was too much. Curiosity had gotten the better of her. Inhaling deeply she braced herself and pushed the unmute button.

The radio once again sprung into life and with the very first note the memories hit her, she could instantly picture the evening and knew exactly why this had been the first song.

Clint Eastwood – Gorillaz-

"You going to stay tonight?"

"Sure. Is John not…?"

"Oh I haven't a clue where John is"

Caroline turned on her heel and into the kitchen. She flicked her head signalling for Kate to follow her.

"Thank you for the bubbly, I'll just pop it in the fridge to chill until dinner is ready." Caroline said as she quickly pecked Kate on the lips again and crossed to the fridge.

"Can I get you a drink? I've got red, white or errrrrm something called norseberry squash? Lawrence thought it was hilarious and I wasn't quick enough to take it out of the trolley." Caroline chuckled shaking her head.

"Errrm just plain old red is fine for me thank you" Kate said smirking back. Caroline poured her a glass and handed it to her with a little wink. "Thanks"

Caroline headed over the hob to stir the chilli that had been simmering away. Wiggling her hips to the radio as she went.

"Errm..Caroline?"

"ummm yup?" Caroline had just put the spoon to her lips to check how the chilli was getting on.

"Not that I don't love seeing you in your natural habitat, and of course there is no judgement here, but I didn't really have you down as a Gorillaz fan!"

Caroline let out a massive heart warming laugh, grabbed the wooden spoon and started singing into it.

" _I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag, I'm useless but not for long, the future is coming on…."_

Kate too started laughing, Caroline had never felt so relaxed and carefree before. She knew in that moment that she was a goner and this woman would always have a part of her heart. She was shimmying around her own kitchen singing into a cooking utensil and couldn't have cared any less who saw.

"Wow, my own little concert. I feel very honoured. This will be etched in my memory forever haha. I expect nothing less every time I come round"

"So you think you'll be invited round again then? Very confident aren't you?" Caroline quipped back before crossing the room and grabbing the sides of Kate's face, pulling her into an almost explicit lip lock.

"Uh hum" They were suddenly pulled from their endeavours by the very distinct clearing of a throat. "I'm very sorry mom, Kate, but I've got the scrabble if you are still interested? Lawrence will be down in a second."

Kate went bright red and tried the hide her face behind Caroline. She wanted the ground to swallow her up. She managed to control her embarrassment just enough to say.

"Yes Will that would be lovely, if you go and set up in the living room I will be right through."

Will turned and left the kitchen as quickly as he could, clearly just as embarrassed as the two ladies.

"I can see you are going to be a bad influence on me, Dr Elliott." Kate joked as she nudged Caroline's shoulder on the way out of the kitchen.

"I don't know what you mean Miss McKenzie, I'm just hungry that's all" She said with a wink. "and you are distracting me from finishing dinner by demanding concerts and kisses."

"Hmmmm well I best leave you to it then otherwise none of us will get to eat." Kate grabbed her glass and headed along the hall to the living room.

"Oh and just for the record I am definitely cool enough for Gorillaz, however I have two teenage sons and they are always leaving their CD's in my player!" Caroline shouted down the hall. The distinct sound of Gorillaz and Caroline's singing still in full flow.

[Present]

Although the wounds were fresh and she had only left the hotel 40 minutes ago, Caroline found herself singing along.

" _I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag, I'm useless but not for long, the future is coming on…."_

She was certain she had to make things right with Kate. The same feelings as that night, the first night that Will had known about their relationship and had be fine, were still there if not stronger. The rest of the night had been an absolute bloody nightmare, what with Judith turning up, but Caroline knew from that moment in the kitchen her life was restarting.

Caroline found it ironic that the first song on the love mix CD had actually served to help her see the error of her ways.

"I have been fff-bloody useless, but not for much longer, I have to sort myself out if I want an actual future…I need Kate and I do want this baby." Caroline said to the empty car as the last bars of the song played. She once again braced herself for the next track and the inevitable flood of painful and bittersweet memories that came with it.

Note 1 – Thanks for reading. I hope you liked the second instalment. I am quite enjoying creating little memories for C+K and I hope I am doing them justice. Thanks to all the people who left kind words on chapter one and thanks for all the song suggestions. I hope you will like the 'memories' that I create from the songs I choose. Until next time…

Note 2 – I was thinking of creating a Youtube channel with a playlist of the songs I choose. I will post the song on the day I post a new chapter, so you can listen along with Caroline if you want to. Good idea? Thanks again.


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